Letting Go

 Letting go…

“For in grief nothing "stays put." One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?

But if a spiral, am I going up or down it?

How often -- will it be for always? -- how often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say, "I never realized my loss till this moment"? The same leg is cut off time after time.”

― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

There are no words to describe the feeling of losing a parent or a parent like figure.  

Today I write for someone who recently experienced loss - the poignancy of her raw grief over her father’s passing away has been gnawing at me! And I wanted to reach out to her, to assure her that she will be fine, words may not suffice, but I had to make an effort.

Somehow, despite being aware of the transience of life, we presume they will be there forever with us. As children, we have a propensity towards a predictably irrational belief in the immortality of our parents. 

I can fervently feel the turmoil and the devastation this loss would have caused her and can commiserate – For I recognize in her, a kindred soul. Some of us are blessed or cursed, depending on how you look at it, with an inexpressibly deep bond, a profound connection with our parents. Not saying that others do not love their parents, but for some of us, our parents are our soulmates, the stars in our firmament. I will go hang drapes in Hades if it will ensure my parents physical presence in my life forever! But death is a loyal companion and does not forget- when the time comes, it takes away what was meant to be gone.

Contemplating an existence without our parents is inconceivable. And when the inevitable happens, what do we do? How do we comprehend the meaning of our lives without them- the grief is all consuming and no light is visible at the end of the tunnel! Picking up the broken pieces of our existence without their very presence, piercing our soul with the very shards of their absence. How do we go on?

The despondency, anguish and hollowness that shadow us during this unbearably hard time will lure you like the proverbial Sirens. To embrace it will be the end of who you are. To give in and to give up is not what our departed loved ones will want us to do. 

DON’T LET GO… Don’t let go of the memories, the gossamer threads of the beautiful past shared with your father- keep it alive, but not shrouded in pain, rather with a sense of contentment. Those we love who are no more with us, will always be part of our DNA, in every pore of your being and in the very depths of your mind, heart and soul. And you let them stay there as a cherished and precious gift, yours alone to revisit when ever you want. Let your grief give you strength to go on and be happy that you experienced their love and guiding light. You are blessed because they loved you and now in their eternal journey, they are happy that you are living as they would want you to live. : )