On children

As a parent, what I am going to say may or may not resonate with a lot of you. 

Being a parent is tremendous joy and tremendous responsibility at the same time. And it is SO very overwhelming too- being answerable for another life is no mean task and at every step a lot of uncertainty and doubt mars us. Loving my two boys is one of the most blissful and wonderful things in my life, yet it has not been an easy journey in some ways. “Am I doing the right thing?”, “Was I too harsh?’, “Am I being too indulgent?”, “Where did I go wrong?” – are just some of the questions I seek answers for almost everyday of my 13 years being a parent. 

Trying to find an anchor in the turbulent sea of parenthood, I came across Khalil Gibran’s pertinent musings “On Our Children” and I was enamored the instant I read them. His beautiful words vibrated through my entire being-the much-needed rain sweeping away the dust of dubitābilis that had shrouded my mind. I do not aim to be didactic or preachy in what I want to share, just a clarion call to all of us out there who can relate to this dilemma. 

Reading Khalil Gibran’s words gave me a sense of comfort and courage- it was a kind of epiphany! I found solace in his words and set myself free- free of the burden of guilt, of trying to be a “good mother”, of living up to the near impossible expectations that families and society put on us. No matter how good a parent you may strive to be, there will always be some gap. 

It has gradually come to me that there is no right or wrong of parenting. You can try your best and let the rest be… believe in yourself, believe what your intuition tells you. No one else can tell you what to do while bringing up your children, because no one else shares that bond with your children the way you do. Yes, there will be setbacks, No, all days will not be sunny days; in-fact mostly it will see you battle a tempest of emotions, your own Stúrm und Drang played over and over in different scenarios and at different crescendos every day.  

Do not be harsh on yourself and most importantly do not be harsh on your kids. We pass on our own insecurities to them- let them be free as well. Be more accepting of their flaws- they are children after all. Paraphrasing what Gibran says, our children are not our own- they are from us and not from us and are individuals in their own right. Let us not try to mould them and control them, trying to make them into what is our definition of “Acceptable”. Just let them be kind human beings, rest all will fall in place. In the end we should be able to sit back and smile if we are part of our children’s happy memories and this is all that matters!